Fatherhood....it's Simple, Right?

Well, in short, no it's not simple. Not simple at all. I'm not just saying this because I am a "Summertime-Stay-At-Home Dad" that potty-trained my daughter and taught my son how to add and subtract in the first 3 weeks of summer. I am saying that because it really is hard and really does take a lot of work!

I learned how hard being a Dad was at a young age when I would wear myself out arguing with my own Dad and he always seemed to win. I was usually huffing and puffing and falling asleep exhausted from my antics and yelling and he would go on about his day. I thought I was working hard, so he must have outworked me. In fact, when growing up, I actually learned all the subjects of school from my own Dad (Tim Barry if you haven't figured this out yet). Let me explain....


Math: Dad had very good math skills. He gave us 3.2% raises to our allowances every year. This was in-line with inflation, never much more. That is how a good business, er, family is run. He also made sure we donated 10% to charity, 10% to church, 50% had to go in the bank, leaving us with basically nothing. And now all of us boys get made fun of for saving too much money. Well, we are only used to spending 30% of our paycheck! Lastly, Dad had us work on our own math skills by picking dandelions for a penny a dandelion top. A great science lesson about the spreading of weed seeds was unfortunately missed here, but we all new how to multiply by 1 to get loads of money, sometimes over a $1.

Social Studies: Well, more math was involved here. Hmmm...cross-curricular lesson...nice work Dad! Dad had us dribble up and down the highway (okay, not the best lesson or the safest, but hey, it was a different era) and keep track of our miles dribbled. Once we had dribbled 52.5 miles, we could go to Missouri Valley and back for dinner (26.25 miles away...more math!). Parents would pay! If we saved our miles, we could go to Omaha for dinner by cashing in our miles. Basically, my Dad was our first "Rewards" Credit card. Dad also taught up about the U.S. by taking us on many vacations, always driving there. Nothing better than telling people you drove to Maine, New Orleans, and California in your childhood and took a plane to Chicago. The difference was that Mom was in charge of the Chicago trip.

English/language: Wow, I could talk forever here. We learned a ton of swear words most kids didn't learn. Dad is the nicest guy I know, but when he gets mad, he really gets mad. He shouts every swear word ever created in the English language, most at the exact same time. Nearby priests would not say Dad sinned, they would more likely weep and pray as they would assume he was speaking in tounges. Us boys would usually just laugh until Dad made eye contact and then we would kick something and act angry too. My favorite swear words by Dad: "Mother Fussing Posibitchinay", "Son of a Rippo", "Sussapono bitchazz ahh", and a few others. It was quite interesting.

Spelling: No, we did not learn spelling from Dad. Actually, we learned how to not spell from Dad.

Science: We learned a lot about how technology works from Dad as he was determined to fix things on his own. This usually meant anything electrical or metallic came apart and all their pieces spread out. From here, it was really a crapshoot. Most times we learned how a phone works and how to call for help. Sometimes, we would help Dad put things back together. Our broken chainsaw became a pencil sharpener, our push mower became a loud child's toy, and our moped became a bicycle. Okay, so not everything got fixed like new, but nothing went to waste and we never told Dad that it didn't look right. Oh, I also learned about electricity when Dad got stuck by electricity to our dryer for 8 seconds (longest electrical attachment by human to in-home device without 911 call in Iowa history) and about the human body when my first childhood memory got etched into my young brain at age 4: Dad being pulled out by the Jaws of Life from an auger that he stepped into. Whenever I tell people I can't stand the site of blood or electricity, I remind myself that my first 2 childhood memories are the problem. As for learning about the birds and the bees, well, I won't even get into that. Those that I have told about Dad's teaching of this important lesson still can't believe the story....

Physical Education: Let's just say watching my Dad "pump iron" with the 5 pound bar and "25's" on each side of the bar along with his post-shower pushups and situps before alot of clothes got put on his body told me all I need to know about physical fitness. Sadly, these were more of my first childhood memories. And sadly, no, I don't exercise anymore.


So, was fatherhood hard for my Dad? Well, first of all, it is still going on and just as hard for him as he is now a Grandfather. But outside of getting his foot in a 1000-rotation per second auger, getting electrocuted until what hair he had on his head stood, breaking and fixing most technology we owned, Dad made it look pretty easy. See, Dad does the things a father should do: he listened whenever we needed him too, he attended every event we were in (not just sports, but music, 4-H, and presentations too), he loved our mother and helped her whenever she needed it, and he talked with us and taught up values and morals.

I was never sure if I would be a good father. There is no manual, you just train your whole life and then when you have your first child, you throw everything out the window and just do what you can and try your best. In fact, I studied counseling the past 3 years and now I have 2 months before I become a counselor. I know I will throw everything out the window and just try my best to be the best counselor I can be. The funny thing is that what I learned from my Dad and my own "fatherly" experiences, I will use as a counselor. They seem to be the same job! I have been trained as a counselor to listen, give gentle advice and guide, set boundaries for young people, use humor, be empathic, and advocate and support my students. Hmmm....Dad did all those things for me and I try to do all those things for my kids too. Suddenly, I realize my "new" job isn't so new at all, it's just being a Dad to alot more kids. But.....it will still be a hard job that will take hard work everyday to be a good Dad, er, counselor.

Happy Father's Day all!
Love&Prayers,
Ben

3 Things to leave you with:
1) Do you have a Smart Phone? I don't. But they are getting much cheaper. If you are a Dad and got a smart phone for your special day or simply a Dad that already has one, take a look at this TIME magazine site. The top 10 Smart Phone Apps. for Dads: http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1906008_1906001,00.html

2)If you aren't watching what is unfolding in Iran and how technology is helping the "revolution", you should be. I don't care if it doesn't interest you or its tough to watch, what is happening there affects nearly everything in our future...maybe even our present.

3) Watched Star Trek with my Dad this week. Very good movie. Oddly enough, it blended my Dad's Star Trek with my love of JJ Abrams (LOST, Fringe, Alias, Star Trek) and our generations together. And we both liked it! Next movie I will see?? It will be in our theater room in our new home in 8 days!