All,
I write to you from Council Bluffs as I thought Reagan needed time away from me and the kids after a long 50 hour week. In fact, with drive time, she was gone for 55 hours and that meant I had 55 hours of quality time with Jack and Abby. Just me and the kids. Yes….just us. Lots of fun and lots of alcohol at the end of the day. Before I gave it much thought, I found myself taking the kids for another 2 solid days to give Reagan some alone time. I don’t plan to calculate the hours that this will add to our quality alone time, but I have a feeling I will drink a few more glasses of wine by the time I return. So, with anything I do and then relay on to all of you, I did try to learn some lessons along the way and make some mental notes for this week’s email. So…things I learned this week about being a “Stay At-Home Dad”….
1. I look forward more to new episodes of Dora and Wonder Pets than I do LOST or “The Office”. Yes, sad, I know this. But unlike watching repeats of “The Office” where I can quote the funniest lines over and over, when watching a repeat of Dora, I have to listen to Jack repeat the lines over and over and hear Dora’s shrill voice say things 3 times just so all kids under 10 can understand her. So when a new episode comes on, at least it is new to me and new to Jack, so I hear the lines a few less times. The invention of the DVR does not help as Jack knows how to work it and loves to watch the same episodes saved on our TV over and over. But yes, after this week, I could now tell you all the characters of 6 morning TV shows and would struggle to sit through an adult TV show unless it had kids songs or had a key letter or number that the show focused on.
2. Mall Playgrounds are a good place for Dad’s to size each other up. I went to the mall playground about 3 times over the past week or two and each time, I noticed one other Dad with his kids there too. Unlike the mothers who gather together and chat while drinking their coffee, us Dads sit on exact opposite sides of each other and just stare at our kids and occasionally make awkward eye contact at each other. The simple reason for this is we are trying to figure out the back story of the other Dad. The other Dad is likely a divorced father given his 12 hours of weekday contact time and a mall playground is free, climate controlled, and easy to monitor. Plus your kids think you are the greatest for letting you crawl on a stupid plastic turtle in an island of other plastic climbable animals. However, the Dad could simply be jobless and told his wife that he would go out looking for a job, yet took the kids and is getting away from his wife for the day.You hope it’s one of these two options, because option 3 is the stay-at-home Dad and they are usually not fully stable by about 10 a.m. (trust me I know) and the fourth is a person who is not a Dad at all…just some weird guy watching a bunch of kids play. I think this 4th option is what causes the rest of us Dads stare at our kids as they wind their way through this plastic playland!
3. Two kids can be the easiest or the hardest to take care of. When Jack and Abby play well together, I can get house work done (and of course surf the Net) for hours on end. However, despite the many toys (4,253 at last count), a few toys always end up being first on each child’s list of toys they NEED to play with. When this happens, Abby usually pulls as hard as she can and eventually Jack lets go and screams as if Abby beat him up. Abby meanwhile will stumble back about 12 steps until she finally hits the closest wall and then face plants into the floor, many times missing a carpeted floor and hitting a solid floor. Screaming from Abby begins immediately and father must choose who to go to first. After some shouting, I usually choose the computer and all is well again. That toy returns to the toy box and to the land of “who cares about me” for about 1 month when both kids MUST play with it immediately again.
4. Outside of those 3 big items, I have learned many more things, but I don’t want to waste your Monday (now likely Tuesday) any more than I have already, so I will be brief. Here is a montage of what I have learned in just 55 hours this week: Fruit Loops have addictive properties to children under 2, Abby can go up and down carpeted steps but will tumble down wooden or cement stairs, Jack will repeat most of what I say, I cannot swear anymore, I need to allow for 15 minutes a day to focus on Jack’s poopies and how awesome they are, I need to allow for 15 minutes a day for Abby’s poopies and how gross they are, I must keep in mind the four main food groups (nuggets, peanut butter, milk, and McDonald’s anything), Happy Meals are much cheaper on Wednesdays, and do not plan to do anything important the next day because Murphy’s Law will force the kids to be high maintenance on that day (best plan? Plan and act like you have nothing to do and thekids will allow you to do anything).
I would love to say that this coming week will be different, but my wife won the chance to work the Fourth of July weekend this year, so I am sure I will have a chance to put my learning to the test again, and at the same time, learn even more. I have enjoyed my summer with the kids and wouldn’t change it for the world. With that said, a day at the school with no one else around or a nice glass (who am I kidding, a nice bottle) of red wine at the end of long day finish a close 2nd and 3rd. Enjoy the week and stay dry/safe. Have a Great 4th of July!
Love&Prayers,
Ben
Two things to leave you with:
1. In my random thoughts, I thought what if my life was a movie, who would play me? Then I thought that everyone should do this. So…give it some thought. Pick someone to play you as a child, teen, young adult, middle-aged adult, retired adult. Play this game with your family and friends. I will reveal my actors next week with reasons why I chose them.
2. Reagan and I will be “Bowling for the Apes” again in July. It is a big fundraiser for Primate Protection worldwide and is run by the Great Ape Trust right here in Easter Lake. Click on this link to learn more (Bowling info is on right hand side...feel free to explore the site to learn about the Bonobo chimpanzee...my favorite animal of all time!). And consider sponsoring us this year as we will pledge to match our pledged amount up to $200.
http://www.greatapetrust.org/
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