Friday, November 10, 2000

Emu Email Episode IV: By my count, I am 23, but my math may be a little fuzzy.


Dear all,
To those of you who dug a bomb shelter when you went a month without an Emu Email fearing the world was finally ending, don't worry, here is an issue to take with you while you wait....

For those of you who don't know or just plain forgot, I turned 23 yesterday. This got me to thinking what do I know or what have I learned in what could very well be the real 1/4th point in my life? Also, what have I yet to learn or still don't know? Well, this is what I thought:

*I know that I like Barf casserole, peanut butter and corn syrup, and lemon rines.
*I know that I don't like seafood, Chinese food, or anything with nuts.
*I know that my favorite sport teams, the Celtics, Bengals, and Royals, have a combined record of 589-1803 in the last 11 years of my life but I still love them.
*I know that whenever Jim Carrey talks out of his butt I am going to laugh no matter how gross it is.
*I know to always split aces and 8s, always double-down on 11, and always bet on the dog that pees first.
*I know that you should never forget your high school sweetheart, especially if you are getting married to her.
*I know that I have voted in every presidential election that I was legal for whether or not my vote was counted by machine, person, or recently released criminally insane people.
*I know that what goes up must not always come down: positiveness, smiles, attitude, progress, success, motivation, work ethic, and men with a constant supply of viagra (Ouch, couldn't resist though)
*I know that I can finally say Shit, Damn, and Bastard in front of my parents and not get a bar of soap in my mouth.
*I also know that I still can't say the F-word or I will eat soap for dinner that night with a glass of "Ivory liquid soap" to wash it down.
*I know there are two forms of classroom management: proactive and reactive. Proactive is dealing with misbehavior and preventing it before it happens. Reactive is drinking a 12-pack after school in your own home. Both give you headaches but I have a lot more fun with the reactive method!
*I know that family and friends are the most important things in life to me.
*I know that I still chuckle when I think my Dad actually stopped to help someone out of the snowy ditch as he drove my laboring mother to the hospital 23 years and one day ago today.

Now, what have I yet to learn.
*I still don't know the winner of the damn election! I want to learn how a nation who helps nations around the world set up democracies and election processes, can screw up their own so badly.
*I don't know the meaning of life and doubt that I ever will until I die.
*I don't know what I am getting for Christmas this year.
*I don't know why Jim Carrey did not get nominated for an Oscar for Truman Show or Man in the Moon, but won the Golden Globe for both. ("Grinch" opens in a week!)
*I don't know if global warming is true or not, but it is damn cold in Iowa right now!
*I don't know where I will teach next year, but I am going to be armed with a bullet-proof vest, a book of often-used slang, and a case of Ridalin.
*I don't know why it is so funny when someone slips on ice, but it just is.
*I don't know why businesses put up Christmas lights on Nov. 1st, but I do know I have received a Christmas card already (from Joe and Chrissy Barry) but I will not mention their names. (On Nov. 9th--way too early)
*I don't know why this Emu Email is so long, but hey I haven't sent one in a month and don't worry I am done....for now.

Hope all of you are doing well and you have a great weekend!

Love&Prayers,
Ben

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