All,
Well, its been so long since the last Emu, I don't even know if "35" is the right issue number. Maybe some of my loyal fans that save every issue for their collection can help me (Dad? Uncle Jeff? "Mrs.Nunez"?) Anyway, I am back and ready to write this summer. I plan on sending out a new Emu every Monday this summer, if for nothing else, to attempt to start your week off with a little humor and an insight into my strange little life. I have been busy in 2008 with lots of stories to tell, so I will re-tell some of these throughout the summer. Once August hits, my crazy again for a variety of reasons that you will learn throughout this summer, so the Monday series will end. So.....here is Summer Monday issue 1! I included a couple extra people on this email as they have dental ties and may want to share this at their offices.
Back in January, I began to have a toothache. No big deal right? I mean, we are talking about my teeth, my flawless teeth. I have had dentists rave about my teeth for years. My 4 cavities all came from some student dentist who "diagnosed" me in minutes and filled the cavities not long after. I find that highly suspicious, but I get through life knowing that he probably flunked out and I got the better end of the deal in the long run. But two years ago, our dental insurance changed to basically nothing. So, my dental visits changed to bascially nothing too. I still brushed twice daily and flossed around the Holidays (don't ask why then...I don't even know), so what could go wrong? Well, before I could get into get my tooth checked (we have the good insurance back), I bit into what is now called the "$1200 Rice Krispiebar". Without insurance, that Rice Krispie bar would be worth about the same price as a used minivan, so I do thank God for insurance. Needless to say, 1 day after eating that tasty treat, I realized I a significant portion of one of my molars. No big deal...just get it capped right? Well, apparently I fell into a category of those rare people that break a tooth "below the gumline". (I seem to always fall into these "rare groups"!). To fix it is simple (follow me here): visit to get checked and get cost of fix, pick up jaw off floor (which costed me even more to fix my jaw), run out of dental office screaming and holding my children close to my body, go to 2nd dental office and get new estimate and possible cost of putting Black Cat firecrackers in my mouth and starting all over, use new estimate to start long recovery process, briefly contemplate Grandpa George's pliers option, pass out, wake up and go to first dental procedure (cleaning and build up), go to root canal by "singing" dentist (too much nitrous oxide?), go to periodontal surgeon for next step, report back in one month for surgery (uses laser, laughing gas, many sharp pointing things, and actual smoke and blood and stuff), wait 6-8 weeks for recovery, report for 2-week check, continue to brush area twice daily with Q-tip and chemical, use July 4th weekend to get imprint of new bionic tooth, get crown 2 weeks later. Then...back to school. Yeah! Frickin' Yeah!Wow....simple huh? Needless to say, I now know alot more about dentists and their offices than I did before, so let me share with you the things I learned:
*Why the fish? Seriously...they all have fish in their office. Fish hardly even have teeth?! Have a baby alligator or a pet wolverine. If I am going to look at an animal before I get surgery, show me one with stinking teeth!
*Dental insurance is impossible to understand, but the laughing gas helped. I actually laughed 5 times during this whole process: 4 times when looking at my bill and 1 time while actually breathing the laughing gas and thinking what my sub teacher must be doing now and how it was worse than getting my gums burned by lasers!
*Not going to lie to you....getting your gums burned by a laser is cool stuff if you breathe enough gas and get enough lidacaine. However, a noseplug would be nice for those that don't like the smell of burning flesh!
*I believe in aliens and alien abductions, but I guarantee 50% or more of all "alien abductions" are just dreams about the dentist or actual dental visits. I mean they wire you into a chair, put the closest thing to the sun's light over your head (those dental lights use 4% of the world's energy!), and then probe your mouth picking and tapping everything that is rooted down. From what I have studied about abductions, all of this is similar except people claim to be probed in other places. I think that is what the insurance does...probe those "other" places. And it hurts worse because the gas has worn off by then.
Okay, enough ranting. I thank all of my dentists (all 8 that helped fix my one pointless tooth). They did great and I am almost into my 2nd week of recovery from my surgery. Each Monday, I will try to leave you with some random stuff. So...have a great week and when your week starts to drag, pop up this email and relive the madness all over again. Happy Memorial Day!
Love&Prayers,
Ben
Things to ponder this week:
1. A mile-wide tornado wiped out a town here in Iowa last night, my prayers are with them. For those who are not local and have not seen true tornado damage, click on this link and then on the "Chopper 13 footage". Very sad images and another sign that nature still has power over us....
http://www.whotv.com/global/story.asp?s=8379815
2. Best movie I cannot wait for this summer: "The Dark Knight" (Batman 2?) Heath Ledger died just after filming this movie and those that have seen the early cuts said this could be his best performance ever. The previous Batman 3 years ago was one of the best reviewed movies of the year by critics
3. Congrats to all graduates this year, high school, college, etc. I will be graduating with my Masters from Drake in just 1 year....can't wait. Wish me luck!
Monday, May 26, 2008
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