Emu Email Episode XVII: Are you the school's hockey coach too?

All,
It started out like any other day...they always do. I had pitched to 10 batters in the batting cage 2 hours prior to our game, not unlike I have a dozen other times. My only worry was heat exhaustion due to the fact it was near 90 and I had heat exhaustion 2 weeks earlier pitching batting practice on a much cooler day. Then it happened. Tim Hill, one of my nicest players, hit a line drive. It rose up and skimmed the top of the batting cage net, making me think that it would just drop harmlessly. I found out I was wrong a split-second later as the ball introduced itself to my nose, eye socket, and all the blood above my neck. I went down and my first sight was two full hand fulls of blood, to which my players started yelling for help. I was bleeding from both nostrels and two new holes in my nose. I decided this was the time for me to influence my ballplayers, 14 fine young boys using this summer to jump-start their journey to manhood. As a mentor and a coach, my reaction would influence their path to adulthood in away no one else could. I could say, "If you ain't bleeding, you ain't trying!". I could bounce to my feet and yell, "Now that's how I want you guys to hit today! No mercy!". I could also get up and say, "Stepback in the batter's box....you still have one more pitch left. Who care's about this scratch!". But I did none of these. Instead, I rolled into a fetal position and screamed for my mommy, my wife, and a priest as I was sure I was dying! By now, the blood was all over my hands, the grass, my clothes and was showing no signs of stopping. I did attempt some humor, which my players laughed and thought maybe I was OK. But when I looked at them face-to-face and they all gasped and looked away, I knew my face was changed forever. Anyway, I made my way up to the office to phone Reagan, making sure to bleed on the phone, phonebook, and nearby computer keyboard (I had to check my email since I figured I would be at the doctor's office for awhile!). Reagan told me to go to the Carlisle doctor as her office was jam-packed. After regaining composure, I cleaned off the phone, phonebook, and keyboard (and checked for new emails), and then went to the doctor. You would think a local baseball coach with his nose split in two and blood pouring out would be first in line...but no, I spent 5 minutes in chairs and then 30 minutes in a room before the doctor saw me. He claimed I did this on purpose just to see him again (Since my health was back in line, I hadn't seen him in weeks!!). Anyway, my nose was not even broken, just a small crack. Isn't that sad, not even one of my best hitters can break my nose with his hardest hit!!
Well, I made it back to the game...we were in the 2nd game. We won the first 9-5 without me and were down 5-0 in the 2nd inning of this one. They vowed to win and win they did, 6-5. All of this made me of reasons this was good for me:

*My glasses fit much better now since my nose is double its regular size.
*I get more looks from women. I think b/c I have a rugged look with my face and its 23-day growth facial hair (you can see it too!). Reagan says its because I look "freakish".
*My players responded with 2 wins...good coaches win, great coaches go to great lengths to win! I struck fear in their players as I jokingly told two of their players, "Watch out for the 2nd baseman, he hits this hard!", then showed them my face. Onestarted to cry.
Anyway, almost all of this is factual (not all of my Emus are completely true). To prove this, I have included 3 pictures of my face, 2 hours later, 12 hours later, and 24 hours later. The one thing I am excited about is that I finally figured out what Grandpa George meant when he said "Get your nosehard!". Once all repaired, I think my nose finally will be! Enjoy the summer!

Love&Prayers,
Coach Ben Barry

Emu Email Episode XVI: Change is good...right??

Emuers,

No particular theme this time except change. I wasn't sure what to write about, but I knew it had to send something out b/c it had been 2 months since my last issue and for some of you, this is one of the top 3 highlights to your summer. So without further ado, here is what has happened to us the last 2 months...

Health: Last we talked, I was on my death bed and had penned my will and bought a very cheap styrofoam coffin (hey...styrofoam takes years to breakdown...why not?). Anyway, I have recoverd thanks to 100s of little pills that I take before and after every breath. Although I do not know my latest cholesterol numbers (I will get those this week), my thyroid hormone level is back close to in-line. On the downside, I now sleep close to 23 minutes a day, laugh hysterically at dish soap commercials, and bite my tongue whenever I have a food craving. The doctor says this is normal...who am I to argue? I happen to believe that I have my will to live back and my humor back too...which is nice. I now have a running tab down at the family clinic and we have become such good friends we plan to exchange Christmas cards this December.

JOB: I am still attempting to teach my students the dangers of drugs and selling stocks in a bear market as well as correcting their grammar when they swear at me. Reagan however has undergone great changes in this department. After working part-time for a year and having no luck finding full-time employment in an impossible market, 3 full-time offers showed up within 3 days and we had to choose. One was for less than 30 hours a week at $48 an hour, but in Sioux Falls, SD. The best option was a regular 8-5 job just north of here at a Pleasant Hill Family Practice. We took that one and she starts tomorrow. If you live close by, she would love to be your family physician. I highly recommend her! So this means many more changes....

LIVING QUARTERS: We are spending our final month in our dilapedated apartment which due to a crappy AC has reached 87 already this year! (it was only 81 outside that day!) We are trying to bid on a house in the Easter Lake region of SE Des Moines today or tomorrow. It is a 3BED/3BATH 2-story home built in 1998. This means it still has some tax abatement left and the neighborhoodis still growing. It has an unfinished basement, but we are hoping some of Reagan's family can finish that off this winter or next adding a rec room and a bedroom. We are WAY excited about owning our own home and getting started on our family. Kittens will come first as they are top priority. If we can handle them without killing them in 6 months again :(, we will give a shot at the child thing. How hard can that be...hell, my brothers can do it and they couldn't even keep their 4-H calves in their pen!

And lastly, and I think most importantly, besides coaching 9th baseball (forgot to mention that earlier), I have already accomplished a major thing this summer. I extended my Top 250 movies of all-time list into a Top 330 movies of all time list. I have attached that for all of you to admire and for some of you to wonder if I really do only sleep 23 minutes a day and devote the rest of the time to ranking movies! A great site helps you to rank all movies you have seen. It is www.movielens.umn.edu It is fun and amazing to see how many movies you truly have seen. I guessed I would have somewhere near 300 and I have already ranked 700 over the past 2 years. Anyway, please keep us in your prayers as we try to buy a house and work different jobs. We hope to be moved in by July 1st and open for visitors anytime after that. Enjoy the summer and take care.

Love&Prayers,

Ben